Time for glasses

Sadie had failed her eye exam at school.  She saw Dr. Albreicht yesterday for an eye exam. I was totally in awe with the man and his patience and instantaneous love for Sadie Mae.  She felt his good Spirit about him..ran to him and climbed on his lap and gave him a hug, more than once.  Sadie doesn't do this with men.  I can count on one hand the men she has been drawn to with such affection. 

She saw the light instrument coming at her and started growling at him, shielding her eyes, covering them, and was not cooperative at all.  I ended up wearing some bug glasses and danced in a corner to try and get her to look at me so he could get a peak at her eyes.

She is near and far-sighted with a stigmatism.  He prescribed her glasses, stating he knows he under prescribed them, but would prefer to under prescribe than over, and we are hoping she will get used to them and enjoy the benefits of actually seeing the world.

Of course with her low set ears and funky head and nose measurements the choices in glasses were slim, but we ended up with the first pair we spotted.. pink plastic frames with nice curved ear pieces that will fit her head fine...and of course... pink will match everything she wears.

Sadie touches so may peoples lives.  She beams with love and light, and is drawn to those with good hearts and loving Spirits.




Or course, she kept me hopping in the doctors office and there wasn't even a second to take a picture, but I will post one when she gets her glasses in a week or so.  They make her ears poke out some...so makes her Down syndrome even more apparent.

Those who have chosen not to be a part of her life and feel of her Spirit and shine in her light are missing out on so many blessings.... it breaks my heart even more for her, than I, that we have been rejected by someone we both love dearly...who is denying himself so many many blessings by having us in his life.

Every day, minute and second is so precious with her.   I live in fear daily if this will be the last.  I try so hard to think positive, that she will do well with her heart surgery and I will have her for many many more years to enjoy and learn from her, but I also know how life goes and it's not full of promises of a brighter tomorrow.

I struggle with panic and anxiety attacks, and through my reactions to them have lost the friendship and love of someone very close to my heart.  I pray continuously for his forgiveness and that he will be able to truly see me for the good and honest person  I am, and that I do have a love for all people, even those he thinks I don't.  I honestly strive to be a good person and do what is right.  I'm facing, and have been facing my greatest fears in life and that is abandonment, being a lone, and never knowing true love.  I have a tender heart and get hurt easily and react badly to rejection.

If God will let me have more time with Sadie Mae I promise to get over these fears and never, ever, ever, ask for or seek the love of a man again.  She has all the love I'll ever need.   Yes, a good loving man in our lives would be welcome, but I'm already far more blessed than I deserve with my awesome children, grandchildren, good family and friends, and for the blessed opportunity to be Sadie Mae's earthly mother.

I do know if God does call her home it will be her time and his will, and through a very vivid dream where mom came to me in the hospital after being told she wouldn't make it through the night...put her arm around my shoulder from behind and told me... that it would be okay that she would take care of her and love her.  That dream is with me daily.

Losing mom last year, losing the love of my life through his choices, and now the fear of losing Sadie Mae... is forcing me to face my fears of being alone, abandonment, and losing the love I crave.

I know my Heavenly Father loves me, but I'm still learning to have faith in his timing and his reasoning for the trials I must face.

Happy #4 Birthday Sadie Mae

Happy Birthday to Sadie and God willing and good surgeons may she have many many more to bless our lives with. It's a very sentimental day for mommy. Every day God blesses me with her is a very precious gift.

May 22 Grandpa Visits

Ear tubes in and went well

The day started frazzled. We headed out at 9:30 giving me 4 hours to get to Salt Lake. Over an hour on the road I discovered I'd left my purse home, so I turn around and headed back home, called the hospital, bawling, and they worked it so we could still get the surgery done today, which I'm very thankful for because I'd have to change her heart surgery as well.

The surgery is so simple, taking less than 20 minutes and
Sadie did really well, but because of her heart they are keeping us overnight in observation. The nurses attempted calling the doc to discharge us early, but he didn't answer, so Sadie has been rearranging the floor and climbing the walls. I'd gladly make the drive home in the middle of the night. I'm not looking forward to 4-7 days in the hospital with her in July after open heart...nothing slows this lil chickie down.

Thank you to my good friends and family for your support, and for the prayers. I have felt the strength it has given us and blessings to get through a simple surgery, yet stressful as well.

Doubly hard today is that it is the year mark of my mom passing away. Life here is so short.

Heart Surgery Date Set

Sadie's open heart surgery is scheduled for Monday, July 12th.
She has to be 6 weeks out from her ear surgery and stay fairly healthy til then.

So, ear tubes this Friday, May 14th and then the open heart July 12th...both at Primary Children's Hospital. Hopefully with the ear tubes in she won't get sick and can stay off antibiotics and build up her immune system.

Pray for Sadie Mae

Sadie is having tubes put in her ears May 13, next Thursday at Primary Children's,
and I'm awaiting scheduling at Primary's to call me with a date for open heart surgery
that needs to be done in the next 2-3 months due to a newly developed condition,
in addition to her pulmonary hypertension and leak. I don't have a surgery time for Thursday yet, so I don't know if I"ll head to SLC Wednesday or not, but they will keep her overnight due to her heart.

The reasoning for doing the ear tubes first is that she has had so many infections since her others fell out in December that she is immune to nearly all antibiotics, and still has a hole in the left ear, the smallest one, so if we did heart surgery
right away it would be labeled a "dirty surgery" and antibiotics they load her with wouldn't do any good to ward off endocarditis or other life threatening infections from surgery.

On her routine yearly followup ECG they found a subaortic membrane with a pressure of
over 60, with high normal being 20. This has never been seen before on any of her studies and is congenital and can and may have damaged her valve, which we won't know until she is in surgery. There is the possibility this will regrow and will need removed with more open heart surgery in the future. He took her off her bp medicine for her pulmonary hypertensionfor now as it isn't doing any good because of this other problem...

What the cardiologist told me is very concerning is that this has never been seen before, that it showed up suddenly and large, and she is at risk for heart attack, etc., You can actually see and feel the thrill in her throat where the pressure of the blood is pushing through this aorta. He then asks me if I'm going to be alright.
Well I thought I was until he asked me.

Both this problem and her pulmonary hypertension affect her pulmonary function as well.

You'd never know her heart was in such fragile condition as she runs nonstop and is
into everything as of late. She is saying more and more words, carries her stool around with her to do "dishes" for me and clear cupboards. I can't believe she is turning 4this month. She is still very much a 2-year-old.

Life is so fragile. Please handle it with prayer. Please remember our Sadie Mae in your prayers.I'm far from ready for her mission to be over here on Earth. I've always feared that God would take her back home once I got my life in order and Temple ready again, and now that fear could very much be a reality.

Life was looking so promising for a short while there and I finally got us a home, and now not only Sadie's health, but the one person, next to God, I need right now, has turned his back on me.

I'll get through this. I'm strong... (like that makes it all better... it's not..) Being strong does NOT mean you don't need someone to hold your hand.

Our Visit To Jessica's

This would be after we got home on Monday, April 26, Sadie decides she wants to dress herself, and she's gooood. lol



My Tulips bloomed Pink, Imagine that! I knew this was the home for me!!



We took Baylee Sadie's crib and picked up Sadie's new bed and put it up in her room. She loves it!!!






Sadie in the Cemetery. We drove to Honeyville from Eagle Mountain to visit my mom's grave on Sunday. It was my second time back since she passed away last May. The tears flowed all day. I got the hate e-mail from the boyfriend ex upon my return to Eagle Mountain that night, and then the news of Sadie's heart condition and upcoming open heart surgery the next day. I've been a wreck since. Too much to take in, mourning mom with the visit to the cemetery, learning my boyfriend has dumped me through his ex-wife and that she is coming back to him, and Sadie needs unexpected open heart surgery again for a whole new problem. When it rains.. it shits!!!




Me & Baylee Ann at the playground.



Baylee Ann posing for an Anne Geddes photo shoot..lol Dang she's cute.



Braxton & Sadie Mae having a blast. They played so well together. Both will be having open heart surgery this year. They have more of a bond than just Aunt and Nephew...



Braxton and Sadie Mae totally faking asleep. Those two together do not sleep!




Braxton and Sadie Mae in the toy box.. best part of that is.. Sadie couldn't climb out. Kept her out of trouble for a bit...lol



Beautiful Baylee Ann





This would be Me, my granddaughters, Harlyn (Jeana's girl, who is very tired) and Baylee Ann (Jessica's daughter) On Friday when Sadie and I arrived in Eagle Mountain.