Friday, August 21, 2009
We've been in our new home 1 week. Mommy is still trying to get the pile of boxes down in the front room, so at least that looks presentable from the front door, starting by sorting boxes to bedrooms, kitchen, etc. The kitchen boxes are unpacked and for the most part put away. Since we don't have a kitchen table mom set my play house up on the kitchen. It's groove'n. Our home is definitely girly girl.
It feels more and more like home as mom hung the pictures of my siblings, their spouses and my nieces and nephew on the wall, and grandma. It's so hard sometimes realizing that grandma is gone. Mom does okay most of the time, but has sudden outbursts of tears, missing her so very much.
Mom still is in shock she actually made this move. She has never been one to like change or tackle the world or big decisions and moves on her own. This is so out of my mom's comfort zone. She can only explain it as a force that has been driving her for years to get here. She thought she knew the reason, but sometimes wonders if it's something totally different than what her heart was set on.
Mom's friend came on Sunday to hook up the dryer, and boy was she ever thankful. I was happy to see mom's friends and welcomed them with hugs. Mom was happy to see them too. She gets this lil sparkle or "twinkle" in her eye in their presence.
We are starting to settle in pretty much okay. Mom gets frustrated with me someday's because she says for every 1 thing she gets accomplished I undo 3. I struggle with temptation. Temptation to unplug the TV, push the TV onto the floor, toss my food, play in the toilet and help mom unpack, run with the toilet paper and shred it into pieces, empty the garbage, and steel her Diet Coke and watch it dump out onto the floor or chair. I watch her, waiting for her to turn her back, and then like a little swiper I swiftly attack whatever I can, knowing I'm going to get in trouble. Sometimes mom slaps my hands to let me know I shouldn't be sucking on electrical cords or knocking over the TV, and my lip quivers and curls down, til mom has to turn away, so I can't see her cry. I go right for the heart.
Now that we are settling in somewhat life here doesn't seem to be much different than it was in Cache Valley. We don't go far from home nor go out often. Mom works and stays up through the night sometimes in deep thought, contemplating life and our purpose here. I spend the day getting into things and singing with my TV shows. About 8:00 in the evening we go outside and I march up and down the sidewalk saying bye, bye, bye to my shadow as we take a small walk. I like sitting on the patio at the little table to eat my lunch or dinner sometimes and there is an afternoon breeze usually daily, so we get out the bubbles and the bubble wand and play some.
I meet my new preschool teacher here on Monday and start riding the lil yellow bus again on August 31st to school. Mom says it feels like sending me for the first time all over again. She'll be thankful for a few hours of time to herself, and yet she has a horrible time separating from me. I, on the other hand, love being with other children and feeling grown up and riding the bus.
My latest interest/word/sign is "fish". I try to hiss it under my breath and attempt the sign by wave my arm, versus just the hand, to sign fish, but I know what one is. We have one in a bowl on mom's desk, which I would love to spill out onto the floor.
We haven't really met any new people, and as usual we are behind our closed doors and keep to ourselves. Like I said, not too much different than our life before this move. Other than, we miss my sisters and nieces very very much. I miss Kinley lots.
Mom still feels pretty confident we are supposed to be here, but it boggles her mind and deep thoughts late at night wondering what our real purpose is here, and then she fills her mind with doubts. I think this is a big test of faith for mom. She really hates the unknown and not having life all planned out in a notebook or something. She says this "winging" it day to day, year after year, is for the birds!!! literally.
So, here we are for at least the next 12 months, testing out the area and trying to do good wherever we are, hoping to bring happiness and service to those who may need what little we have to offer. Like mom says we have so very little material wise, but we have hearts bigger than Texas.... Mine may look like Swiss cheese, but well.. mom says it's more "holy" than anyone's. ha..ha..ha.. get it.. holey and "holy". Spit and shine my halo.
Like Jeni told mom when we left home... no matter what happens.. the next 12 months will be an "adventure"... mom's a little worried about what kind of adventure this is going to be... she doesn't care for rapid waters or high winds of drama, nor being lonely. She prefers the still waters, peace, harmony and feeling love and having purpose, but then don't we all.
Let the fun begin...or the "adventure". come what may.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Mom and I moved to our new home yesterday. Grandpa and Uncle Randy, bless their hearts for supporting mom, though they may doubt mommy's decision and what she truly believes in her heart and that is we are meant to be here for awhile, but she is unsure of the reason anymore. Thank you to our loving family for helping us out like they do. They are the best. They took the day off work to drive us down here and move us into our new place called home. Grandpa drove his truck and pulled a trailer, and Randy drove his service van full, and mom drove our van with stuff packed all around us. They even hooked up the washer, put the beds and mom's trashy desk together to make things easier on us.
Mom's really worried she worked Grandpa too hard this week and about his health, and contributing to his problems. She hates being inconveniencing anyone and stresses a lot when she does, or thinks she does.
I'm adjusting well to our new place. I even slept in my own bed in my own room last night, our first night here. My only words anymore are hi and bye bye bye.. I love to go bye. Mom and I took a walk on the sidewalk around the block and back home again. Last night mom had a hard time, sobbing, and doubting her decision, but she also hadn't had any sleep in 2 nights and has worked hard trying to pack and move things, work and keep me from unpacking as she packed, and well nights are usually harder on mom than the days.
We really miss Grandma. I look at her picture of me and grandma on mom's cell phone and wave at her. Mom misses her more than she thought she ever would. No one can love you like your mom.
We already miss Jeana, Jeni and their girls. Mom cries because she left them and our piano, but she felt in her heart she needed to make these sacrifices to go where God wants her to go. Mom questions God sometimes..well maybe not God so much as herself. She worries so much about doing what she should and the right thing, but she tends to just get hurt over and over for following those feelings of the heart.
Mom puts on a tough act, but she has a very sensitive heart, which tends to know a lot of hurt lately.
I know wherever we go and whatever we do that me and Mommy will always have each other. I'm her reason for getting out bed in the morning and her reason to smile and laugh, and believe that life is worth living. I'm truly a breath of heaven to her and my family.
May God bless my mommies aching heart and troubled mind. She really does deserve to be happy and to feel loved. It's so hard for her. She struggles with it all every day.. the doubts and fears. I'm trying to help her the best I can.