Tuesday, December 14, 2010
This past week the Down Syndrome family had to say good-bye to one of God's little ones, Millie, after catching a virus from open heart surgery. She found the line to Jesus and went home to him. My heart aches for those she left behind; her family and loved ones. With her passing I cherish my time with Sadie more and more. Tomorrow is not promised. The present is our gift in life. Sadie is teaching me more and more to live in the present. She rarely complains and uses every bit of energy she has daily to explore, to learn and rejoice in life. She's taught me to dance and sing more often and pause at the singing of the birds and the beauty and blessings God has granted us.
I'm so blessed with my new home. I know God found the way to move us here and led us to our home and to our church family and neighbors. I have so many confirmations this is where we belong, and yet I still will doubt my reasons for being here as I long to see my children and grandchildren, Dad and extended family.
I'm learning to have faith and trust in the Lord and not my own understanding, which interestingly one of my favorite scriptures has always been Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thy heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him and he shall direct they paths".
This is much like Sadie's first Christmas. She is finally aware of the sights and sounds of the holiday season. She knows now what a present is and that it is meant to be unwrapped. I've longed for this day. I took her to the storybook parade. Well we actually went with Jennifer Ganowski and her daughters, who ate her up.
We went to the display of the Nativities Sunday and listened to some wonderful Christmas music by community members. Sadie was in awe at the live Nativity with the primary kids and at the beautiful musical talent in the church chapel. We then drove around and looked at Christmas lights and in Sadie's own words "wow... wow".
I'm learning so much from this beautiful creation of God. She is truly amazing. Stubborn, full of spice and into everything, but my world, and what a wonderful world it is.
I was so excited and thankful for Jeremy and Laura coming to visit. I get so excited for my kids and grandchildren to visit and see my home. Jeremy wanted to go to Zions and he brought me to the reality of what God's creations are in my backyard literally. I need to get out more. I now vision more road trips in my future!! I can't believe how much fun we had. It was like old times with Jeremy, and with Laura. We laughed and got goofy. Laura seconded that she knows where Jeremy gets his sick sens of humor from. I have no clue what she was talking about...lol Sadie LOVED having company. She cried at the door as the left a couple days later. The kids said they can't believe how much my house is "me" and how perfect it is for Sadie and I. They approve of my home and where I live, but then Jeremy is the one that pushed me to move here 3 years ago he planted the idea and then mom got cancer and I just couldn't leave back then. He told me back then that as he drove through Cedar on the way to Vegas he could see me living here.. that he knew it's where I belonged. So, I guess it's not my own personal insanity that brought me here. I've had so many witnesses this is where I need to be. The hardest.. very hardest part is being so far from family. I miss everyone so much. My dad, my siblings, nieces, nephews, and mostly my own children and grandchildren. It's hard knowing they don't get to see and enjoy Sadie's light on a regular basis and that's what I feel most guilty about.
However, now that I have a home... I have dubbed the weekend after Thanksgiving for my family to come visit, have a campout all over my house and combine Thanksgiving and Christmas during that week with them. I've traveled the road between Fillmore and Cedar more than once in snow storms and as I'm aging I have developed a great fear of the elements and with my poor night vision, etc., I've sworn off winter driving as much as possible.
My children and grandchildren are my world. I wish with all my heart they could truly feel the unconditional love I have for each and every one of them, that I didn't leave or move to be away from them, but only acted on faith and out of inspiration by my Heavenly Father. In many ways I've become closer to my kids in the last year.
I'm so thankful for Jeremy and Laura coming and spending some time with Sadie and I. It meant the world to me. In a way I feel I've already had Christmas with them visiting.