Sunshine Sadie Mae

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Merry Christmas from Sadie Mae

I originally had considered having pictures done of Sadie and I for our Christmas cards, but then my self-image has gone downhill over the last couple months with the skin condition I had last month and then with the weight gain I've had recently due to medication I was on for anxiety and depression.  Then as I contemplated this last years events, etc., I recalled this picture we took the day before Sadie's open heart surgery in July.  We were in Salt Lake, had been up to the hospital for preops and I was ready to fall apart emotionally, so I took Sadie to Temple square and spent a few hours.  As we entered the upper level where the Christus is on Temple Square.. Sadie immediately knew it was a place of reverence and she would hold her finger to her lips and tell me .. .shh..shh..shh.. but then in a burst of excitement would holler HELLO.. then repeated.. and HELLO...   A group of Spanish speaking people were there and the missionaries were speaking to them in Spanish.. as they finished and moved on with their tour primary music began to play and Sadie approached the Christus with reverence, stretching out her arms in imitation of the Christ and then she began twirling to the music, in dance.  I have no doubt she knows who Christ is.  I of, course, sat and sobbed as only a mother can, knowing what I was about to put her through the following day in 6 hours of open heart surgery, trusting my care to the surgeons and surgical team and God to take care of her.  My faith has been tested much this year.

This past week the Down Syndrome family had to say good-bye to one of God's little ones, Millie, after catching a virus from open heart surgery.  She found the line to Jesus and went home to him.  My heart aches for those she left behind; her family and loved ones.   With her passing I cherish my time with Sadie more and more.  Tomorrow is not promised.  The present is our gift in life.  Sadie is teaching me more and more to live in the present.  She rarely complains and uses every bit of energy she has daily to explore, to learn and rejoice in life.   She's taught me to dance and sing more often and pause at the singing of the birds and the beauty and blessings God has granted us.

I'm so blessed with my new home.  I know God found the way to move us here and led us to our home and to our church family and neighbors.  I have so many confirmations this is where we belong, and yet I still will doubt my reasons for being here as I long to see my children and grandchildren, Dad and extended family. 

I'm learning to have faith and trust in the Lord and not my own understanding, which interestingly one of my favorite scriptures has always been Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thy heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all ways acknowledge him and he shall direct they paths".

This is much like Sadie's first Christmas.  She is finally aware of the sights and sounds of the holiday season. She knows now what a present is and that it is meant to be unwrapped.  I've longed for this day. I took her to the storybook parade. Well we actually went with Jennifer Ganowski and her daughters, who ate her up.

We went to the display of the Nativities Sunday and listened to some wonderful Christmas music by community members.  Sadie was in awe at the live Nativity with the primary kids and at the beautiful musical talent in the church chapel.  We then drove around and looked at Christmas lights and in Sadie's own words "wow... wow".

I'm learning so much from this beautiful creation of God.  She is truly amazing.  Stubborn, full of spice and into everything, but my world, and what a wonderful world it is.

Jeremy & Laura's visit and Zion's National Park

 We saw a lot of these mountain sheep.   This one was just off the side of the road. I can't believe how close I live to such awesome nature.  We saw so much just from the van!   We had an awesome day.  Poor Mae got a little sick and threw up at the beginning of our road trip, but soon recovered.  Her and Sadie were just happy riding around in the van.
 My crazy son, Jeremy, doing his happy dance in the road at the entrance of a mile long tunnel drive, which I  gracefully let him do the driving through.  My anxiety was a little high, but I managed and actually enjoyed it. I don't know where he gets his goofiness   We really had a fun day in the park!
 Laura strutting her stuff .. doing her happy dance moves in the road as well.
 The girls in the van... luh.. luh luhing along.
 Sadie allowed out of the car for a bit... in the snow.. what the?

 Maeleigh taking after her father, Jeremy, and grandma Jude.. got Mae
 The girls chilling on grandma's bed, watching Monsters, Inc... ahhhhhhhh
 Maeleigh tempted by the snow after getting Sadie off the school bus
 We got Maeleigh overnight while Jeremy and Laura tripped onto Vegas overnight for their anniversary.
Decorating cookies with the girls....

I was so excited and thankful for Jeremy and Laura coming to visit.  I get so excited for my kids and grandchildren to visit and see my home.  Jeremy wanted to go to Zions and he brought me to the reality of what God's creations are in my backyard literally.  I need to get out more. I now vision more road trips in my future!!   I can't believe how much fun we had.  It was like old times with Jeremy, and with Laura. We laughed and got goofy.  Laura seconded that she knows where Jeremy gets his sick sens of humor from.  I have no clue what she was talking   Sadie LOVED having company. She cried at the door as the left a couple days later.  The kids said they can't believe how much my house is "me" and how perfect it is for Sadie and I.  They approve of my home and where I live, but then Jeremy is the one that pushed me to move here 3 years ago he planted the idea and then mom got cancer and I just couldn't leave back then. He told me back then that as he drove through Cedar on the way to Vegas he could see me living here.. that he knew it's where I belonged.  So, I guess it's not my own personal insanity that brought me here. I've had so many witnesses this is where I need to be.  The hardest.. very hardest part is being so far from family.  I miss everyone so much. My dad, my siblings, nieces, nephews, and mostly my own children and grandchildren.  It's hard knowing they don't get to see and enjoy Sadie's light on a regular basis and that's what I feel most guilty about.
However, now that I have a home... I have dubbed the weekend after Thanksgiving for my family to come visit, have a campout all over my house and combine Thanksgiving and Christmas during that week with them. I've traveled the road between Fillmore and Cedar more than once in snow storms and as I'm aging I have developed a great fear of the elements and with my poor night vision, etc., I've sworn off winter driving as much as possible. 

My children and grandchildren are my world.  I wish with all my heart they could truly feel the unconditional love I have for each and every one of them, that I didn't leave or move to be away from them, but only acted on faith and out of inspiration by my Heavenly Father.  In many ways I've become closer to my kids in the last year.

I'm so thankful for Jeremy and Laura coming and spending some time with Sadie and I.  It meant the world to me.  In a way I feel I've already had Christmas with them visiting.

Thanksgiving 2010

 We put up or 11 foot tree that I splurged on my Home Depot charge card.  Sadie was so excited when they delivered this HUGE box to our house.  She loves looking at the lights and often falls asleep in the living room just looking at them.  We put the tree up and our decorations before Thanksgiving in anticipation of family coming for the holiday.  However, car problems and the snow storm prevented any of the kids making it. Though we were invited to a neighbors for dinner and I made a couple pies the day before in anticipation of going Sadie was grumpy and we ended up taking an afternoon nap instead and then I worked most of the day.
 Sadie dressed for Thanksgiving.. Indian braids and all
 Sadie's preschool picture of an indian
 Sadie's first time out in the snow for this year. Thanks to Cheri Stinson and her daughter handing down the coat and snow pants she can roll in it all winter.
 Our house in the snow.. Our first winter in our home.. *sigh*
A wonderful November blessing was that of Joni and Steven being sealed together with their children Brooklyn and Ben in the Dallas Temple.  I'm so proud of my children.  All 5 of my older children have all now been sealed to their families.