Sunshine Sadie Mae

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Time for glasses

Sadie had failed her eye exam at school.  She saw Dr. Albreicht yesterday for an eye exam. I was totally in awe with the man and his patience and instantaneous love for Sadie Mae.  She felt his good Spirit about him..ran to him and climbed on his lap and gave him a hug, more than once.  Sadie doesn't do this with men.  I can count on one hand the men she has been drawn to with such affection. 

She saw the light instrument coming at her and started growling at him, shielding her eyes, covering them, and was not cooperative at all.  I ended up wearing some bug glasses and danced in a corner to try and get her to look at me so he could get a peak at her eyes.

She is near and far-sighted with a stigmatism.  He prescribed her glasses, stating he knows he under prescribed them, but would prefer to under prescribe than over, and we are hoping she will get used to them and enjoy the benefits of actually seeing the world.

Of course with her low set ears and funky head and nose measurements the choices in glasses were slim, but we ended up with the first pair we spotted.. pink plastic frames with nice curved ear pieces that will fit her head fine...and of course... pink will match everything she wears.

Sadie touches so may peoples lives.  She beams with love and light, and is drawn to those with good hearts and loving Spirits.

Or course, she kept me hopping in the doctors office and there wasn't even a second to take a picture, but I will post one when she gets her glasses in a week or so.  They make her ears poke out makes her Down syndrome even more apparent.

Those who have chosen not to be a part of her life and feel of her Spirit and shine in her light are missing out on so many blessings.... it breaks my heart even more for her, than I, that we have been rejected by someone we both love dearly...who is denying himself so many many blessings by having us in his life.

Every day, minute and second is so precious with her.   I live in fear daily if this will be the last.  I try so hard to think positive, that she will do well with her heart surgery and I will have her for many many more years to enjoy and learn from her, but I also know how life goes and it's not full of promises of a brighter tomorrow.

I struggle with panic and anxiety attacks, and through my reactions to them have lost the friendship and love of someone very close to my heart.  I pray continuously for his forgiveness and that he will be able to truly see me for the good and honest person  I am, and that I do have a love for all people, even those he thinks I don't.  I honestly strive to be a good person and do what is right.  I'm facing, and have been facing my greatest fears in life and that is abandonment, being a lone, and never knowing true love.  I have a tender heart and get hurt easily and react badly to rejection.

If God will let me have more time with Sadie Mae I promise to get over these fears and never, ever, ever, ask for or seek the love of a man again.  She has all the love I'll ever need.   Yes, a good loving man in our lives would be welcome, but I'm already far more blessed than I deserve with my awesome children, grandchildren, good family and friends, and for the blessed opportunity to be Sadie Mae's earthly mother.

I do know if God does call her home it will be her time and his will, and through a very vivid dream where mom came to me in the hospital after being told she wouldn't make it through the night...put her arm around my shoulder from behind and told me... that it would be okay that she would take care of her and love her.  That dream is with me daily.

Losing mom last year, losing the love of my life through his choices, and now the fear of losing Sadie Mae... is forcing me to face my fears of being alone, abandonment, and losing the love I crave.

I know my Heavenly Father loves me, but I'm still learning to have faith in his timing and his reasoning for the trials I must face.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That was beautifully written Julie. You and Sadie remind me of myself and Lily, we are sidekicks for each other. She will forever be by my side and I love that!