More about School

I get so excited for the bus in the morning that I don't eat much. I just want my shoes and backpack and out the door. I pause in the driveway when I see the bus coming and flap my arms and squeal. Th love riding the bus. I come home just as excited to see my mom and she is very happy to see me. She says she really misses me when I'm gone, but happy I'm learning so much.

We are learning about colors and shapes at school and I brought the mouse hunt game home and signs to learn for my colors. Mom wasn't too excited. She was hoping we wouldn't have keep learning sign language, but guess what... we are! Mom doesn't think she can learn to easily, but for me... she will. A friend directed us to a link that actually video demonstrations of actual people making the signs, which mom thinks is a lot easier to learn than trying to learn it off a paper.. So let the fun begin.

I'm understanding the word "No" more and more. Order and discipline in school is a good thing. Sometimes people forget I'm not actually mentally 3 years old, but more closer to 2, and expect me to act more mature.

Mom got Direct TV yesterday so now I have a lot of TV I can watch, but I was so tired last night and got overstimulated by watching a show about whales in the water that mom had to turn it off and get me ready for bed. I love water.

I like to have the bath water running when I'm bathing and I can turn the water on myself, so mom lets me run it and when the hot water is gone, my bath is done, and I pitch a fit about having to get out. I'd stay in there until I turned blue. Mom says we need to find a pool around here so we can go swimming and get me some lessons.

We haven't been to church here yet. Mom chicken's out every week. One week I was sick and last week mom was too emotional. So, obviously we still don't know anyone here, and things fell apart with the few people we do know here, and yet mom still feels we are supposed to be here. It's strange.

We miss our family a lot and mom told Kinley that maybe in October we'll go visit on a weekend for the pumpkin walk and take our walk and do pictures at First Dam like we do every year. Kinley's having a hard time with us being gone. She thought she was going to see us when she went to another Grandma's party the other night and she cried and pitched and fit and wouldn't give the other Grandma her picture she colored because she said it was for "her marmma" (which is what she calls mom). Mom cried when Jeni told her how hard it was to get Kinley calmed down. Mom said moving here has been much harder than she thought it would be, especially given the fact that she was possibly mistaken for the reason why we are here and sad about that.

Another thing we have learned here is that I can't leave my sand bucket out or my balls out because the wind blows here all the time and blows things away. We had the mountains surrounding us back in Cache Valley and rarely felt any wind. There are also a lot of rocks!! I love to sit in them and play with them, scooping them up, etc., and I also like putting them in the mouth, which mom says NO to and "pft".

Zoo Day Pictures

My school year begins August 2009

Last week I started preschool here in Cedar City for the first time. I love riding the bus and my new aid. I can't wait for the bus to come in the morning.

My new word is yay..yay... yay... and I clap with it sometimes. So my 2 words as of now that I use consistently are yay and bye bye. Mom thinks she heard me say "ok" a few times. Today while I was getting off the bus I tried to say backpack. I learn so much at school. I really like the other children.

Mom has the front room together and the boxes out of it, but our bedrooms still need some work. Mom set up the sewing machine in her room and sewed some burp rags for Baby Benjamin (my new nephew coming any day now).

Last week we had company, Cassie and Braedan. We picked them up in Salt Lake last Saturday at the airport and took them back to Salt Lake this Saturday. Last Saturday we met my sister Jeni, Thomas, and my Kinley and Madilyn at the zoo and had a really good time. I've really missed Kinley. That's the hardest part for me and mom, being away from my siblings and my nieces and nephew. Mom's real stubborn though. She is still holding her ground and her belief that we belong here. I won't argue. I seem quite comfortable in my new surroundings. I love playing in the rocks with my shovel, prancing around on the porch and marching up and down the sidewalk. We are doing okay. Things aren't much different here than they were before our move, other than we don't see family at all versus occasionally. Mom says it may take us awhile, but we'll know where we fit in and belong eventually. Until then we have each other and that's good enough for me.

The zoo was fun. It's really the first time I noticed the animals and when I was allowed out of the stroller I ran... ran... exploring everything. I loved the bears. I even tried to say bear.. bear, but I did clap and say yay..yay.. Mom's favorite part was the carousel. Mom loves carousel's. Mom cried on the way home some. Kinley thought she was going home to grandma's house with us, but she doesn't understand grandma lives far away now and we can't just go to McDonald's every week. Mom says, though, that doing what you feel is right sometimes requires sacrifices and takes a lot of faith and perseverance to go through with things, even when it seems everyone seems to disagree with her decisions.

I've grown some. I can now reach the kitchen cabinets... yay..yay..yay.. more things I can get into and toss around. Mom put the trash can in the laundry room. She's really wondering what she's going to do when I learn to open doors.

I really enjoyed having Braedan around to play with and sometimes annoy when he was trying to play video games and such, but we loved playing ball and such. I love my mom and all, but she gets busy working and doesn't have a lot of time to sit down and play with me. She wishes she did. But, then, kids can be a lot more fun than mom's sometimes. I love to watch videos and I stick my nose right up to the screen and interact with the movies I'm watching. Cassie spoiled me while she was here and bought me a new video about Strawberry Shortcake and springtime, and a new outfit for school. She was so happy to see me. I like to make people smile and feel warm inside, and see their faces glow in my presence. We get stopped often in public by strangers who just want to say hello to me and tell mom what a special gift I am.

That I am, a special gift. Mom thanks Heavenly Father daily for me and the blessing I am in her life. She doesn't feel worthy of me and often feels like she's not giving me all that I deserve, but she thanks God every day for me, for giving her purpose and a reason to smile.

The "Adventure" begins......

We've been in our new home 1 week. Mommy is still trying to get the pile of boxes down in the front room, so at least that looks presentable from the front door, starting by sorting boxes to bedrooms, kitchen, etc. The kitchen boxes are unpacked and for the most part put away. Since we don't have a kitchen table mom set my play house up on the kitchen. It's groove'n. Our home is definitely girly girl.

It feels more and more like home as mom hung the pictures of my siblings, their spouses and my nieces and nephew on the wall, and grandma. It's so hard sometimes realizing that grandma is gone. Mom does okay most of the time, but has sudden outbursts of tears, missing her so very much.

Mom still is in shock she actually made this move. She has never been one to like change or tackle the world or big decisions and moves on her own. This is so out of my mom's comfort zone. She can only explain it as a force that has been driving her for years to get here. She thought she knew the reason, but sometimes wonders if it's something totally different than what her heart was set on.

Mom's friend came on Sunday to hook up the dryer, and boy was she ever thankful. I was happy to see mom's friends and welcomed them with hugs. Mom was happy to see them too. She gets this lil sparkle or "twinkle" in her eye in their presence.

We are starting to settle in pretty much okay. Mom gets frustrated with me someday's because she says for every 1 thing she gets accomplished I undo 3. I struggle with temptation. Temptation to unplug the TV, push the TV onto the floor, toss my food, play in the toilet and help mom unpack, run with the toilet paper and shred it into pieces, empty the garbage, and steel her Diet Coke and watch it dump out onto the floor or chair. I watch her, waiting for her to turn her back, and then like a little swiper I swiftly attack whatever I can, knowing I'm going to get in trouble. Sometimes mom slaps my hands to let me know I shouldn't be sucking on electrical cords or knocking over the TV, and my lip quivers and curls down, til mom has to turn away, so I can't see her cry. I go right for the heart.

Now that we are settling in somewhat life here doesn't seem to be much different than it was in Cache Valley. We don't go far from home nor go out often. Mom works and stays up through the night sometimes in deep thought, contemplating life and our purpose here. I spend the day getting into things and singing with my TV shows. About 8:00 in the evening we go outside and I march up and down the sidewalk saying bye, bye, bye to my shadow as we take a small walk. I like sitting on the patio at the little table to eat my lunch or dinner sometimes and there is an afternoon breeze usually daily, so we get out the bubbles and the bubble wand and play some.

I meet my new preschool teacher here on Monday and start riding the lil yellow bus again on August 31st to school. Mom says it feels like sending me for the first time all over again. She'll be thankful for a few hours of time to herself, and yet she has a horrible time separating from me. I, on the other hand, love being with other children and feeling grown up and riding the bus.

My latest interest/word/sign is "fish". I try to hiss it under my breath and attempt the sign by wave my arm, versus just the hand, to sign fish, but I know what one is. We have one in a bowl on mom's desk, which I would love to spill out onto the floor.

We haven't really met any new people, and as usual we are behind our closed doors and keep to ourselves. Like I said, not too much different than our life before this move. Other than, we miss my sisters and nieces very very much. I miss Kinley lots.

Mom still feels pretty confident we are supposed to be here, but it boggles her mind and deep thoughts late at night wondering what our real purpose is here, and then she fills her mind with doubts. I think this is a big test of faith for mom. She really hates the unknown and not having life all planned out in a notebook or something. She says this "winging" it day to day, year after year, is for the birds!!! literally.

So, here we are for at least the next 12 months, testing out the area and trying to do good wherever we are, hoping to bring happiness and service to those who may need what little we have to offer. Like mom says we have so very little material wise, but we have hearts bigger than Texas.... Mine may look like Swiss cheese, but well.. mom says it's more "holy" than anyone's. ha..ha..ha.. get it.. holey and "holy". Spit and shine my halo.

Like Jeni told mom when we left home... no matter what happens.. the next 12 months will be an "adventure"... mom's a little worried about what kind of adventure this is going to be... she doesn't care for rapid waters or high winds of drama, nor being lonely. She prefers the still waters, peace, harmony and feeling love and having purpose, but then don't we all.

Let the fun begin...or the "adventure". come what may.

Our new home for a Season...

Mom and I moved to our new home yesterday. Grandpa and Uncle Randy, bless their hearts for supporting mom, though they may doubt mommy's decision and what she truly believes in her heart and that is we are meant to be here for awhile, but she is unsure of the reason anymore. Thank you to our loving family for helping us out like they do. They are the best. They took the day off work to drive us down here and move us into our new place called home. Grandpa drove his truck and pulled a trailer, and Randy drove his service van full, and mom drove our van with stuff packed all around us. They even hooked up the washer, put the beds and mom's trashy desk together to make things easier on us.

Mom's really worried she worked Grandpa too hard this week and about his health, and contributing to his problems. She hates being inconveniencing anyone and stresses a lot when she does, or thinks she does.

I'm adjusting well to our new place. I even slept in my own bed in my own room last night, our first night here. My only words anymore are hi and bye bye bye.. I love to go bye. Mom and I took a walk on the sidewalk around the block and back home again. Last night mom had a hard time, sobbing, and doubting her decision, but she also hadn't had any sleep in 2 nights and has worked hard trying to pack and move things, work and keep me from unpacking as she packed, and well nights are usually harder on mom than the days.

We really miss Grandma. I look at her picture of me and grandma on mom's cell phone and wave at her. Mom misses her more than she thought she ever would. No one can love you like your mom.

We already miss Jeana, Jeni and their girls. Mom cries because she left them and our piano, but she felt in her heart she needed to make these sacrifices to go where God wants her to go. Mom questions God sometimes..well maybe not God so much as herself. She worries so much about doing what she should and the right thing, but she tends to just get hurt over and over for following those feelings of the heart.
Mom puts on a tough act, but she has a very sensitive heart, which tends to know a lot of hurt lately.

I know wherever we go and whatever we do that me and Mommy will always have each other. I'm her reason for getting out bed in the morning and her reason to smile and laugh, and believe that life is worth living. I'm truly a breath of heaven to her and my family.

May God bless my mommies aching heart and troubled mind. She really does deserve to be happy and to feel loved. It's so hard for her. She struggles with it all every day.. the doubts and fears. I'm trying to help her the best I can.

Me and Mommies Road trip.

I went on a road trip with my Mommy this weekend. New places usually set me back a little and when the sun goes down I'm really anxious and antsy, wanting to get back to my own turf. Mom was a little worried I wouldn't do so well away from home, with my schedule interrupted. I surprised my mommy a bit this weekend, but feeling right at home in our environment, inquisitive and exploring things right away, innocently and not so innocently. I loved the dogs (the dogs dish), the water bed and one other thing a lot.. that mom is having a brain fart over at the moment.

I'm a good traveler. I didn't mind the long drive to our destination and I slept on our return trip.

One night we went to a BBQ with family of the people we went to visit. Immediately I went exploring for things to get into and I went for mom's drink and spilled it all over the patio by doing one of my famous table cloth tricks, which I attempted several that evening. I then proceeded to sit in the spilled drink and lie down and tried to suck it up off the ground. My mom spent much of the evening trying to keep up with me and saying "Sadie! noooooooooooooooo" She says that a lot. Other adults tried to keep their eye on me, a little worried, I think, what I was up to. Though I was blessed to be a ray of sunshine, I'm not sure I shone so bright that night or was very impressive to the company we kept. Mom says she isn't sure either, but that it's okay. It doesn't matter how others perceive me, only that I'm special to her and to God, and I'm learning mortal life at my own pace and with lots of vigor as of late.


One night we went fishing. They were worried I'd be a handful around the water and mom even considered not even going to this outing!! But, we went. The rocky terrain and slope to the water held me back and I did try to restrain myself when mom kept trying to explain to me what fish were and only fish swam in this water. I got curious about the fish and I've even made up my own word for fish.. it's kind of a hissing sound under my breath. I remember something about fish and fishing from preschool lessons a week or so ago. Mom took one picture the whole trip. (she was really scared to attempt taking many pictures, which is strange because she loves her silly camera and capturing special moments with it)..She tried to get some pictures of me at the fishing hole, but I was too busy trying to get to the water. She uploaded the only picture she took there and I immediately recognized it as the "fishing" place and when I see that picture I try to show my excitement for that day by flapping all four extremities and saying my "fish" word repeatedly.

We got home from or trip last night and I struggled with sleeping in my own bed by myself, which I normally would prefer. I finally went to bed good, but woke up crying (and I rarely cry) at 2:00 and ended up falling asleep in my mom's bed and stayed there the night cuddled up to her, which isn't my norm either. I usually want my space, but I learned cuddling over the weekend and I think I like it.

I was happy to see the little yellow bus this morning and enjoyed preschool, and was happy to go down for a nap in my crib. Life seems to be going back into a routine again, but I'm still very curious about what that trip was all about, but then again maybe I know more than mom and these folks think I do. I wish they'd take note sometimes at what I'm trying to get across.

I think my mom doubts things more than maybe she should. Life is meant to be lived and loved. I keep trying to get that across to people here. Life is short and not meant to be wasted on daily trivial matters that in the long run have nothing to do with our purpose for being here.

Happy Birthday Kinley

Today I my Niece, Kinley's Birthday. I became a niece when I was 6 weeks old! I now have 5 nieces and 1 nephew, and 2 more on the way. Kinley and I have been like twins since birth. When my sister, Jeni, brought Kinley home from the hospital she weighed more than I did (as I was born premature at 4 lbs) and she layed Kinley down and mom layed me down fairly close to her and we both inched our ways so that we were touching each other.

Kinley is very protective of me. When we are in a play group or around other people we don't know she takes my hand and firmly tells everyone.. "My Sadie".